Sunday, 26 January 2014

Spanking Awards

Fictional TV Characters In Desperate Need Of A Spanking

Class A

To be inducted into this category, characters must have been involved with a death, directly or indirectly. This includes plotting of murder and failed attempts.

The Nominees

Cersei Lannister
Just the fact that she spawned quite frankly the most annoying evil little bastard the world has ever seen should be enough to earn Cersei Lannister a spanking. There's no doubt that her dreadful parenting played some part in how he turned out.

However, she does possess some worthy misgivings herself. Such as incest with her brother (which might have had something to do with how her son turned out so evil) and general plotting to have people killed. She's destined to be over a knee.

Deborah Morgan

You might argue that Deborah's only reason for being a nominee is that she has an extreme potty mouth. There's barely a moment In Dexter where Deb isn't swearing. But there's far more reasons than that that make the other nominee's look like angels.
She aided and abetted a serial killer in many ways, the worst of which being that she shot the Chief of Police. She also allowed a fugitive to stay in her home, during all of which she was part of the Police.


Ilithyia has an interest in dangerous and socially dubious antics. She displays awful treatment of fellow human beings through slavery. You could argue that in accordance with the times it's not really her fault but she does seem to go to the extreme with it. She's not scared to use sex as a means to get what she wants even if it means with a boy. Worst of all, she has committed murder. It's hard to tell if a spanking would do any good here but it sure would be deserved.

Kate Austen

Ignoring the attitude and tendency to seek out dangerous moments, Kate took out an insurance policy on her mother's home before blowing it up with her step-father still inside. Add to that the she was also a fugitive on the run and during which time she got into a relationship with a police officer and drugged him with cyanide and cocaine to escape. A spanking would be being kind to miss Austen.

Rachel Matheson

First of all, the poor parenting comes into the equation. Rachel is the mother of an out of control killer for a daughter worthy of nomination herself. But, Rachel beats her easily on the naughty scale.
Rachel was responsible for causing the entire world to lose power, driving the world into all out war, the death toll as a result of her scientific work is unimaginable. Then to add to it, she contributed to the blowing up of a couple of cities in America, while she didn't intend to do so, she was pivotal in it.

Lori Grimes
Lori has many reasons to be on this list, adultery, attitude, it's just enjoyable to despise her. But the clincher has to be that she persuaded her husband to kill her previous lover and then proceeded to appear disgusted with him for carrying out the deed.

Class B

The Nominees
This Category requires general unlawful and anti social behaviour, looking to cause harm or pain to others.

Tara Thornton

Tara Thornton is renowned for her short fuse and aggressive attitude. The foulmouthed female says exactly what's on her mind and isn't ashamed of it. A lazy barmaid who abuses customers with her low tolerance of others. If there was ever a woman who needed a spanking, it's Tara Thornton.

Georgina Sparks

Georgina is a cruel manipulative young socialite with one hobby, causing chaos.
Having married rich, she's constantly scheming and looking for ways to cause misery to others to fill her free time.
Perhaps the reason for why Georgina is the most deserving
of a good spanking is because the things she does are not always motivated by revenge or simply trying to better one's position. She does them purely for fun, which kind of makes her the devil.

Gabrielle Solis

While not a really a psychopath like some of the women listed,
the ethically challenged Gaby raises adultery to an artform. Not to mention her involvement with her underage gardener, statutory rape is certainly grounds for a good spanking.
Add to the equation that she punched a nun and she becomes a firm nominee.

Betty Draper

Betty Draper is a 1950's hell woman. She created a living hell for her ex husband by refusing to leave the family home after their separation. Then to add salt to the wounds she prevented him from seeing their child.

When tasked with giving motherly advise, she takes the biscuit for poor behaviour, providing the exact model for how not to speak to your children about masturbation and allowing a neighbours son to act inappropriately towards her.

Terri Schuester

Terri's offences could be described as minor, but she became one of the most hated women on tv very fast. She's a
needy, whining, self-absorbed woman so desperate to keep her husband that she faked a pregnancy and then tried to pay one of her husband's students for her child.
She could certainly benefit from a trip to the woodshed.

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